Focus

When You say, “It is done,” then it is done. So why do I continue to get distracted? I knew this would never be easy, But I’ve also given up on the work to truly find myself.

I’m still trying to please others. I’m still focusing on myself when I should be focused on You. I’ve started to go back to not caring again. But the reality is that I do care. I care a great deal. But for some reason I’ve lost the hope to the faith I thought I had.

Faith is what we hope for but can’t see. I believe in faith, but I need You to help my unbelief in hope. I’m getting down on myself because I’ve lost the ability to remain positive for my future.

You know my future. I need to stay focused on You so I can reach that future You have in store. If your plan was for me to give up now, I would’ve ended my life a while ago. But I am still here because You are not finished with me yet and I want to find out why.

I’m sharing this with you [reading this] because I need true friends who will hold me accountable to what I wrote in this. I don’t want to go back to the way things were, six months ago. I was in a dark place. It’s time to work on His plans for my life. We were not meant to live our lives alone. We are in this together. I know you’re struggling too. Let’s help each other by being honest in our walk with God, in our friendships, and in ourselves. Would you be willing to walk through this faithful journey with me?

I'm Sorry

This is a post Tyler shared in 2014. Someone reshared it and I decided to write my own letter to myself:

Dear Alisha,
I'm sorry for being such an asshole. I'm sorry you stayed in a relationship because you were to naive to care about the warning signs. I'm sorry that a piece of you is still holding on to him, after five years. I'm sorry I let you get on dating apps to find someone you knew wouldn't stay. I'm sorry you gave up your faith. I'm sorry the only thing your identity was in was your sexual purity.

I'm sorry you never picked up Murb's guitar sooner. Music has been your only escape since you were born. If you picked it up seven years before actually learning it, you may be somewhere else now. I'm sorry I took that opportunity away from you. But you're still learning everything music has to offer and I'm proud of you for that. You found your passion in life.

I'm sorry you believed your life was better than others. I'm sorry you still feel that way. I know you're trying to change it, but it's taking more time than you thought it would. I'm sorry you were never close with your sisters. I'm sorry you hated Murb. She's truly an amazing person & I don't know what I'd do without her. Your dad picked someone who was truly a mother figure. Speaking of mom, I'm sorry you judged her for what she did in her past life. You need to love her where she is, despite what she's done. I'm sorry you're so inspirational to other people but don't know how to live that inspiration.

I'm sorry you have a heart condition. I know I've never felt sorry for this because it's truly a blessing more than an issue. Even with it, you're very healthy, but in a few more years, it's gonna become a true burden. You were under your parent’s finances during the first two surgeries, but the next one is all on you.

I'm sorry you don't have a decent paying job anymore. I'm sorry you made excuses for yourself to not get a car. I'm sorry you still don't understand what a budget is. I'm sorry that I'm not grateful for what I have regardless of your financial state.

I'm sorry you're going through another stop in your faith. You know God knows how you feel. I'm sorry my distractions have gotten in the way of you getting to know Jesus more. I'm sorry you didn't care about anything for two years. I'm sorry you went through a depressive state. I'm sorry you thought you were worthless. I'm sorry you never trusted God to begin with.

I'm sorry for never opening up to those who truly cared about you. I'm sorry I let you push them away. I'm sorry they're no longer in your life. I'm sorry for the things I made you say to them. I'm sorry for still holding on to those who will probably never return.

You are loved by many, Alisha. I know you don't think you are. I know you're hoping I'll be able to completely love you one day. I'm still working on that process. Keep your head up. You've got this. You're amazing. You're worth it.

After writing this, I realized that I was a little hard on myself. But then again, I don’t think his post was meant to be an easy thing to write for. I’ve never been someone who feels sorry for myself because shit happens. However as I’m getting to know myself better, I’ve come to see how screwed up I truly am. I’m thankful for God’s grace and mercy on my soul. Without that, I wouldn’t be alive today.

Parachute: Wide Awake; Album Review

  I discovered Parachute when their song, “You and Me” was a bonus track on the “Now That’s What I Call Music! 38” album (released in 2011). I only listened to their most popular songs, like ‘What I Know’ and ‘Something to Believe In’. I never ventured out to their entire albums. I followed them on social media when I got a smartphone. When they announced the Meant to Be tour, I decided to go.

On September 7th, 2014, I woke up so excited to go to the show. After a few hours of being awake, I got the news that my Uncle George passed away. Even though we were never really close, I was upset. I considered not going but knew he’d want me to go have fun, anyway. I ended up having a blast. But when Will started singing the second part to ‘American Secrets’. I was bawling. It was like Uncle George was singing it to me. From that day on, I had a connection with this music unlike I’ve ever had with any other. So I went home and purchased every song they’ve released.

It’s been two and a half years since they released their last album, Overnight. Without anymore waiting, Wide Awake has finally been added to my music library! This album is filled with songs of romance, songs to dance to, and songs about life. I’m so proud of this band and how far they’ve come! They’ve been around for years, so if you’re just now hearing about them through this blog, you have a lot of catching up to do!

As with any album review I write, I take each song and apply it to where my life is currently. I generally speak directly to the artist, if they read it. I'll plug in a few self promotions and previous blogs that go further in depth to a few of the situations I relate some songs to. The beauty of music is how it’s taken in differently by everyone. The power behind music is being able to relate it to something in your life and feeling those emotions. I know Will doesn’t necessarily write about anything in particular. But the passion behind his writing is so deep. So without further adieu, here is my review of Parachute's album, Wide Awake:

WITHOUT YOU: What an incredible song to start this album off with! It’s fun, it’s groovy, and I dance every time I hear it. I was able to cover it with my best friend, Morgan. We had so much fun with this! My first initial review of it is in the description of this video link: https://youtu.be/4ZnYtBT5Qwk

WHAT SIDE OF LOVE: I’ll be honest, I wasn’t a fan of this song at first. But it’s definitely grown on me, since y’all released it. The lyrics are incredibly meaningful in regards to life. I feel like it should be called “What Side of Life”. It’s motivational by telling you just to keep going for what you want in life. And can we please talk about that key change at 2:43?! The whole song just makes me feel like I’m back in the chorus room in high school. #SOPRANOFTW

JENNIE: I love the John Mayer vibe to this. I’ve never been too into him, but I do enjoy his music when I hear it. I feel like this song is about letting yourself go and wanting to find yourself again. Or not even yourself, but something you lost and want back. It makes me realize how lost I was five months ago and how I’m slowly figuring out how to live again.

EVERYTHING: I was already crying before the words started. It just seemed like an emotional song. The strings made it so much more powerful too. The only thing I thought about while listening to this was my [only] niece, Melissa. She’s truly the light to everything in my life. I know I’m not perfect, but she’s perfectly placed in my heart. She’s loved by so many people and I will wait for the day she realizes that. Here’s an open letter I wrote to her: http://alishamarie1993.blogspot.com/2016/01/open-letter-to-my-niece.html

LONELY WITH ME: I love songs that end instrumentally to start into another song! I had the pleasure of hearing this one at your acoustic show, in Atlanta. I fell in love with it immediately. It’s such a sweet song! It’s so fun to dance to as well. When artists sing about places, it makes me want to travel to the places they’re singing about. I mean, I want to travel in general. But when songs make places sound fun, it adds more adventure to my list. Random talking and goofing off in studio in the final recording of songs make me happy. It gives reassurance that the artist had fun planning the album. I will definitely try to work on a cover for this one, so be on the lookout for it, here: http://www.youtube.com/alishamarie1993

LOVE ME ANYWAY: Whoa. This is relatable about how I recently let someone go. We didn’t get to know each other deep enough for us to love each other. I didn’t give him a chance to get to know me because I was afraid of him loving me. Aside from that guy, I feel like this song is about anyone in your life who stays by your side despite what you’re going through. They stay regardless of what happened in your past. They love you for who you are. The beat to this song is just so raw and real. It really fits into the meaning of this song. If you’re interested in the story behind that guy, you can read my blog about it here: http://alishamarie1993.blogspot.com/2016/02/incomplete.html

NEW ORLEANS: I. LOVE. THIS. SONG. I fell in love with it the day y’all released it. You retweeted someone who mentioned that it takes them back to your album, “The Way It Was”. I AGREE! It also makes me think of the Disney movie, The Princess and the Frog. It’s jazzy, romantic, and just amazing. When I first heard it, I thought of my sister and the adventures she had when she went to New Orleans. So my connection to it is kinda sweet. Also Kit kills the sax every time. This is probably my favorite on the album. Though I won’t confirm that until I know every single song and start singing them in my sleep.

WHEN YOU MOVE: I love the strum patterns in this. I love the sound strings make when you slide to each chord. It makes my love for playing guitar more passionate. The harmony is precious. I can’t really connect to the lyrics right now, but perhaps I’ll have a better review of it another time.

GETAWAY: Well if I wasn’t awake, I’m wide awake now! *ba dum tsk* It’s so rockin’! I freaking LOVE the sax and guitar solos. I feel like this song is saying F**K YOU, I’M LEAVING! It’s a good song to listen to when you quit your job.

CRAVE: Dudes, I’ve been dancing to this song since May. It’s kept me pumped for this album! I added it to my sister’s wedding playlist, in July!

WHAT BREAKS MY HEART: Ugh feeeeels!! This is one of those songs you listen to after a breakup when your ex already has someone else when you haven’t even moved on yet. It hurts so much to move on, especially when you two were so madly in love and it just didn’t work out. Also, if you’ve been friend zoned and your crush doesn’t know how you truly feel, let them listen to this.

WAKING UP: This one is about realizing your calling in life and pursuing it with your entire heart. We get so caught up with excuses and comfortability and never wake up to see what’s been in front of us the whole time. I think this is a great song to end this album on because it's another motivational one. Though I must admit, whenever you whisper “wake up”, it’s a tad creepy. But I love it at the same time!

Overall, this album is perfect. I love how y’all have gone back to your old sound yet given yourselves a new vibe. I honestly connect with it all. I have such a hard time picking favorites with your music because it’s all so amazing and put together so well. You’ve truly gone above and beyond, with this one. I’m very proud to be supporting your art. Jonny, Kit, and Will, you’re all so talented and I can’t wait for May 2nd to get here so I can see y’all again!

Here’s the site for more information on the band, their music, and their upcoming tour:

http://www.weareparachute.com

To My First Love

I’ve figured it out. I haven’t been able to let you go. It’s been five years since we officially ended things. You were my first love. I was there for you when no one else was. Now that we’ve both grown up and moved on to be comfortable in our adult lives, I want a taste of what I never truly had. You said that you feel as if I still know you better than anyone. I feel the truth in that.

I still miss you. I never let you hide the person your family never wanted me to see. I saw the real you. I knew your past didn’t define who you were. (And it doesn’t define who you are today.) I wanted to help you move through your issues. I loved you as you were. I know you’re probably thinking, ‘we were naive and in high school. We didn’t know what we wanted.’ Yes, that’s true. But a part of me is still holding on to you.

It’s been hard to let you go completely. I’ve never been able to trust anyone in a relationship, since then. I put so much trust in you and I was let down every single time. As I’m trying to figure out my faith and where my life is going, I’m having to take bandages off of wounds that were never healed. I covered them so people wouldn’t see that I was hurting. I have to feel the pain so I’m able to heal.

I appreciate that we’re both still able to talk to each other and relate. Even if we don’t talk every day, I know you’ll always be there as a friend to confide in. You truly are an amazing person and I am proud of you. Whether you get to read this blog or not, I needed to let you know where I stand today. I love you, WLT.