Just Writing

I wanted to write a blog but didn't really have anything in mind. So for this one, I'm just going to write whatever comes to me as my fingers hit the keys. Besides, I haven't written anything in a few weeks.

The past month has been strangely rough. My anger has got the best of me. I've been getting pissed off at things that are so small. I have lost the ability to care about things again. I haven't been talking with God. I started drinking [socially] again. I've been letting the Enemy win. And it's funny because I'm reading a book by CS Lewis called The Screwtape Letters. In it, God is the Enemy. Screwtape is teaching his nephew, Wormwood, how to deceive people (their Patients) away from God. It gets pretty deep. I'm halfway done with it but I definitely recommend it. 

Monday night, Tyler [Ward, duh] posted his shoutout video for a few of his Patrons. For mine, he says, "You're getting a hold of life and just grabbing it by the balls." While there is some truth to that, as you've seen if you've been reading my blogs like he has, then it's easy to see that. However I'm still struggling and I almost feel like life is kicking my [metaphorical] balls. But thankfully I am still here.

Over a week ago, I started a second job (aside from the coffee shop) at a local BBQ house. They were so desperate for employees, I was basically hired on the spot. A few days after working both jobs, I received a call from Tanner Hospital. I've been applying to odd jobs in the hospital for a few years and have never received a call back until now. I realized that the BBQ place wasn't going to work out after all, due to multiple reasons. So I scheduled an interview with Tanner and am making this the last week at the BBQ house.

The interview went well. However I'm not sure if I have the job yet, since there were other applicants. Please pray for positive news, when they do make their call. While waiting around for the interview, I had a cup of coffee. I smiled at everyone who walked by me. I thought to myself, "I feel like this is where I'm suppose to be." Is it weird that I love the atmosphere of a hospital? I just hate being a patient in one. When deciding on what to do with my life, one of my first goals was to become a hospital administrator of some sort. I've always wanted to give back to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta since they were there for me for twenty years. I have no desire to be in the medical field, but I would love to be around it. (If that makes sense.) This job at Tanner is definitely an entry level position. If I choose to, I could work my way up and really fulfill that first dream I gave myself before finding my wholehearted passion for music.

While I was waiting for one more person to meet, during the interview process, I was taken into the Pastoral Care room. I saw a poster on the wall of a dad carrying his daughter and it said, "The Prodigal Daughter" under it. Next to it, was a poster of a dad hugging his son that said, "The Prodigal Son". If I wasn't waiting on someone to meet, I feel like I would've fallen to the floor and cried out to Jesus. I let that moment pass, so I haven't thought about it until now. A few weeks ago at my church, Pastor Derek talked about the "prodigal moments" in our lives. After the sermon, I let him know that for the past few months of me re-pursuing my faith, the story of the Prodigal Son kept getting brought up to me (in sermons, books, conversations, etc...). So on a night it did, I asked God, "Why does this story keep coming up?" And His response was, "Because you're not believing in it." By seeing the "Prodigal Daughter", reassured me to keep pursuing Him. 

I haven't asked for forgiveness on much of anything yet. I feel like I'm still wallowing in it all. It may seem like I'm making progress, but I don't feel like I have. I keep saying I need to work on my faith. But it's so much easier said than done. So I am asking once again, like I did in another blog, to you, the reader, will you PLEASE hold me accountable? I know this is a public blog, but if I share the links with you personally, it means I want your honest opinions. I want your advice. And I need your help to keep my eyes on Jesus. I can't do this alone. We cannot be alone. We are in this together.