Why I'm Really Moving to Nashville.... IN THREE WEEKS!!!

I wasn't going to take a trip before the move, but an opportunity came up, and since I was free, I took it. Once again, being here proved more reasons as to why I am moving. It's already home.

I don't want to go into as much detail as I did in the last blog. Because I really could. I'm currently at the Barista Parlor Golden Sound and will be heading out of here soon. So I'll avoid taking five hours to write this.

I'll be honest, I haven't had a lot of time to process everything I experienced on this final visit. But what I do know for sure is that I am so grateful to still be in the south! There's just something about being in another part of the south that is humbling. Sometimes we take "Southern Hospitality" for granted. It's the normal thing to do. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say because I'm having a difficult time finding the words to say. Just know that I appreciate the south far more than I do here, rather than being at home.

I did A LOT of driving this weekend. I did not use a GPS because... well... how else am I going to learn these streets if I don't get lost? At one point, I was headed to one side of the city to the other... using back roads? I was using the skyline as my guide. But the thing is, I couldn't see the city for a while. Somehow I ended up further away from the city than I already was. BUT I MADE IT WITHOUT A GPS!! And I am quite happy about that. 

On Friday night, I went to Belmont University to see my fellow Carrolltonian, Ben Poss, act in the musical, '9 to 5'. I am not exaggerating when I say that this was one of THE BEST musicals I have ever witnessed. The choreography was PERFECT, the vocalists were INCREDIBLE, and the acting was BEAUTIFUL!! Whether I have a friend in a show or not, I will be seeing more shows there because I was BLOWN AWAY! So Ben, if you're reading this, I love you and I am so so so so proud of you!

I did the most driving on Saturday. *see above haha* I had plans to go to the Tin Pan South song writing festival that Brynn Elliott was a part of. It didn't start until 9:30pm, so I had five hours to kill. I didn't want to take a nap because I knew it would be hard for me to get up, as well as, go to sleep later. But I was feeling very hungry. I started to drive out and was going to run into somewhere local. Then I remembered that a friend kept telling me to go try the Loveless Cafe. 

The wait time was 35 minutes for one person.. I was okay with this because from what I heard, the wait time would be long, and I still had to kill time. I walked around outside and then came back in to sit until my pager went off. While I was inside, there was a couple sitting across from me. They were talking about the old door that was in that room. I asked, "Are y'all from here?" He said, "I am but I took her from Wichita, Kansas, 44 years ago." We chatted for a minute about the area and I told them I'll be moving up here. My pager went off and the hostess took me to a four top. Before I sat down, I thought, I don't want to waste a large table when there are plenty of other people waiting. I told the hostess to wait just a moment. I went back out to the lobby and asked the couple, "I'm here by myself, would y'all like to join me for dinner?" They were extremely honored and even paid for the bill. Their names were Erna and John and I will never forget them. It was such a random and humbling experience.

The songwriter's show was so special to me. Not only because Brynn was a part of it, but because I got to witness such amazing talent on stage with her. I love how music is just so transparent here. It makes me love being in this city even more.

I was able to spend Sunday with Ian. We went to church and then drove out to grab lunch in East Nashville. He had a meeting in the area at 4:30pm, so instead of him driving me back to Brentwood and coming back there, I waited in the Five Points area. He came back and then we sat at a park in Brentwood. It was such a fun time getting to talk and hang out.

As I said, I still haven't really processed everything that happened. But I know that Nashville is changing me. It's bringing people into my life that I will never be able to forget. It's showing me how to rely on my faith and not my own understandings. It's showing me patience, hope, and grace. It's showing me how to be independent. It's showing me how to love people. And most importantly, it's showing me why God is greater than anything.

"Jesus replied, "You do not realize what I am doing but later you will understand." 

-JOHN 13:7-

SLEEPTALKRE; PEP TALK: EP REVIEW

My friends, Caroline and Greg have released a new EP under a new band name, Sleeptakre (aka The Queen and King). It is absolutely amazing! Quick backstory: I've never been into the electronic pop sound. However Caroline and Greg have gorgeous harmonies, deep and thoughtful lyrics, and such a talent for music that is INCREDIBLE! I definitely broadened my music taste after listening to their 'Cavities' EP. The 'Pep Talk' EP has taken their passion for music even further and I couldn't be more proud!

*As with any album review I do, I will write how I relate to these songs. The beauty of music is how many different stories come out of it!*

FRACTIONS: When I first heard this song, it was released under TQK. I fell in love with it, so I'm glad it's on this EP as well! To me, this song is about trying to meet someone in the middle. I sense that it's about someone who screwed up but you've forgiven them yet they still continue to repeatedly make mistakes.

-It's such a great dance song!

MUSCLE MEMORY: This one is my favorite on the EP! It hits me pretty deep. I feel like it's about that one person you cannot get out of your mind. No matter how hard you try, the memories won't leave you and you're constantly missing them. You're always going to be reminded of that person, regardless of the distance. To be honest, it kinda sucks. Especially when you don't know how they feel. But you keep holding onto the hope that something will happen. 

-The beat is siiiiiiick. I just love how it all kinda has an emotional vibe. If you haven't checked out the video for it, prepare for more feels: 

https://youtu.be/ODgwvVGXTt0

DOUBT MYSELF: This is a song we all need. It's important and encouraging. We all go through doubts and imperfections. We all struggle with anxiety, in our own way. We tend to search for approval in people. We hold expectations to things we know we shouldn't. We're not perfect and have insecurities. But with all this said, it takes time to move on and to change and to be able to love ourselves. We are all strong because we have experienced whatever chaos life has thrown at us. YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

-I love the rap vibe to this. And for Black Prez to be featured in this track makes me really happy!

OVER AND OVER: I can relate to this song a little too much, right now. When you find someone who never leaves your mind, it can be easy to overthink things. Sometimes we're too afraid to tell that person how we feel because we fear rejection or that they won't feel the same. We continue to be alone in our thoughts about them. I love the lyric, "begin again." It's like, move on and find someone else you're able to talk to about EVERYTHING. Or for me, I'm taking it as, move on so I can focus on my faith.

-I really love the drums in this one! 

Overall, I am highly impressed with this EP! It's a darker sound than what I'm use to from them, but it's still so so so good! I can tell that so much passion and hardworking talent went into these songs. It will definitely be an EP that will be overplayed!

 

PURCHASE OR STREAM PEP TALK

iTunes: http://apple.co/2mmoJC2

Spotify: http://spoti.fi/2mUlLBh

Clarity in the Nashville Life

I know what you're thinking... You were just in Nashville last weekend. Why are you back? I cannot stay away from this place. It's already home to me. Leaving it wrecks my heart to pieces.

The drive back home last Sunday was extremely depressing yet relaxing. The rain was calming and I listened to love songs as well as Phil Wickham's album, Cannons. When I got home, I did NOT want to get out of my car. I sat there wrestling to turn back around. The only reason why I got out, was because I received a text from Sheryl, letting me know that the family was meeting for dinner. I went out to dinner but didn't feel right being there. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I am learning to love them more. I realized that Carrollton is no longer home to me. I excused myself and went home to cry.

This past week has been very hard. There were a few rough days at work and I was on the verge of quitting and moving. I mean, what's holding me back from moving anyway? Finances? No I'm okay. Family? I love them and can call them anytime I want. February and March are kind of busy months for me, but only on the weekends. I can easily drive back. God's plan for me in Nashville unfolds every time I come up here. Leaving his plan is like a punch in the gut. Maybe the timing isn't right? I really don't have any idea. I just know this week has been incredibly emotional and that I had to be back here.

"Don't make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion." I love this quote. It always hit deep. However I don't think this longing and pain is an emotional thing. My passion for Nashville has grown so heavy and it only continues to grow stronger. I have been seeking clarity in my prayers with God. I know his timing is far more greater than mine. So I ask for you to pray along with me as I make the right "move" in these next steps.

"For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks to you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints."

*2 CORINTHIANS 1:15-18*

Hearts Go Crazy

This is simply a blog to update you on my heart condition and how today's appointment went. I don't want to go into a lot of details nor really make it sappy, but it's really just to inform everyone at once.

Here's a quick back story on my heart condition, for those of you who do not know: I was born with an enlarged aorta and a bicuspid valve. I had heart surgery at six months old. On June 26, 2008, I had surgery to replace the aorta and the valve. Due to "complications" I had to get a pacemaker implanted. The lower chamber of my heart never came back to normal, so the pacemaker helps keep both chambers in sync. In 2015, I was diagnosed with aortic stenosis (narrowing of the valve). I was also told that the pacemaker was nearing the end of its life and needed to be replaced within the next few years. There was also talk of surgery to replace the valve again, but I was never given a set time. I had an appointment scheduled for 2016 but due to insurance issues I had to cancel it (#thanksObama). So keep in mind, I haven't seen my cardiologist for well over a year.

Today's appointment went really well... Kind of.. I was excited and anxious going into it because I knew there would be potential talk of surgeries. The doctor said that the echo looks great. I'm healthy. I'm "normal". I'm not in any pain or feeling any different, when it comes to my heart. The aortic stenosis is still there but it'll never truly go away. Now, I was under the impression that this valve would last about fifteen years. Not necessarily. He said it depends on the patient. He compared it to a car.. Sometimes they last five years, sometimes they last thirty. THIS WAS GREAT NEWS!! I just have to do my best to stay physically healthy.

I went over to another room get my pacemaker checked. Apparently my pacemaker expired in May of 2016. WHAT THE HELL???? Yeah. I'm still alive. WOW. Basically I have been running on the backup battery of the pacemaker. Honestly it's kinda hard to explain. The technician was confused by it. I'm a half dead woman. Kidding. Essentially the top chamber has been in control. I'll be having a quick outpatient procedure, in a few weeks, to replace the pacemaker. Send good vibes, please. :)

Medical stuff is crazy. Life is crazy. I'm just thankful for God. I'm not really anxious about this procedure since it'll be simple and quick. Although, I am a little shocked at how I've been living for the past year. Dad said, "We weren't going to let you die." LOL

All jokes aside though, I tend to forget that I have a CHD. I try to not let it limit me. If you know me, you know I don't use it has an excuse not to do anything. If I make an excuse, I'm just being lazy.  I'm humbled by my CHD and it gives me a better understanding of what people with other medical diagnosis go through. However, when I am reminded of the realities of it, I'm slapped in the face with the importance of it. It's a little life shattering, but I will do my VERY best to stay on top of it. Please hold me accountable to this.

LOVE YOU, PEEPS!!

Reflecting Over 2016

I went into 2016 with "faith" as my focus word. As many days as I've had where I've felt like the progress I've made hasn't really gone anywhere, I know that I am not the same person I was a year ago because of my faith. I have learned more about myself this year, and will never stop learning who I am. 

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the

conviction of things not seen." 

-Hebrews 11:1

I've never really taken the time to reflect on my years, in the past. But I feel as if this year was so incredibly life changing for me, I have to look back and just thank God for everything He did for me. I don't want to make this a really lengthly blog. I could go on and on about the details in everything that happened, but I'll try to spare your time.

I'm looking through my notes from this year. On 1/1/16, I wrote, "I am writing this down so I can look back on it in a year and perhaps be proud of myself. I need to search within myself to find the doors to the rooms I've locked where I hid things inside. I'm not expecting this year to be easy. It's going to be rough. All of this is easier said than done. But I want to see progress. In the past three months, my eyes have been opened to some incredible things. I don't want that to stop. I need to find real people I can trust. I need to hold onto the hope that things will get better, even though I should not expect that they will."

Isn't this amazing? I had hope for change and I still hold onto that same hope, especially since I have seen progress. I did connect with some amazing people. I'm constantly inspired by those people to "just keep swimming through this shitshow of life." I let go of holding expectations. I'm learning to not be in control. I am learning to love God so I can continue to love people. I unlocked some of the doors and will search those rooms to pull out the roots of what happened and figure out why. I am continuously seeing progress even if it doesn't seem like I'm getting anywhere. I am learning that God's timing is more important than my own. I am learning to love myself so I can be proud of who I truly am.

This year I was blessed by some amazing things. I was blessed by meeting some wonderful people. I was blessed with a car, surprisingly given to me by my parents. I was blessed with the power of music by attending shows (23 concerts to be exact). I was blessed with a church that I love. I was blessed with being able to take several road trips. I was blessed with the love of Nashville and found out the reasons why I'm being led to move there. I was blessed with the ability and realization that I really can love people.

I think my goals for 2017 are the same as 2016. I want to continue to pursue my faith. But I think my focus word for this year is, "listen". I need to listen to God's voice. I need to pray about where He is truly leading me. I have to talk about everything with Him, including myself, and those around me. I want to continue searching for who I am by getting to know Him.  

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds,

for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be

perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

-James 1:2-4