I know what you're thinking... You were just in Nashville last weekend. Why are you back? I cannot stay away from this place. It's already home to me. Leaving it wrecks my heart to pieces.
The drive back home last Sunday was extremely depressing yet relaxing. The rain was calming and I listened to love songs as well as Phil Wickham's album, Cannons. When I got home, I did NOT want to get out of my car. I sat there wrestling to turn back around. The only reason why I got out, was because I received a text from Sheryl, letting me know that the family was meeting for dinner. I went out to dinner but didn't feel right being there. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I am learning to love them more. I realized that Carrollton is no longer home to me. I excused myself and went home to cry.
This past week has been very hard. There were a few rough days at work and I was on the verge of quitting and moving. I mean, what's holding me back from moving anyway? Finances? No I'm okay. Family? I love them and can call them anytime I want. February and March are kind of busy months for me, but only on the weekends. I can easily drive back. God's plan for me in Nashville unfolds every time I come up here. Leaving his plan is like a punch in the gut. Maybe the timing isn't right? I really don't have any idea. I just know this week has been incredibly emotional and that I had to be back here.
"Don't make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion." I love this quote. It always hit deep. However I don't think this longing and pain is an emotional thing. My passion for Nashville has grown so heavy and it only continues to grow stronger. I have been seeking clarity in my prayers with God. I know his timing is far more greater than mine. So I ask for you to pray along with me as I make the right "move" in these next steps.
"For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks to you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints."
*2 CORINTHIANS 1:15-18*
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