Getting fired was rated six out of ten of the most positive high points of my life. It's been one year and so much has happened. God has changed me more in the past week than over this whole year. To get a gist of how I reacted to getting fired, here's the blog I wrote about it:
At the time, I was questioning whether or not to pursue a relationship with God. Two weeks later, I started working at Bella, where I met two of my dear friends. Those two friends are the ones who invited me to King's Chapel [in May]. Several weeks after working at Bella, I took the trip to St. Louis where God met me at Tyler Ward's show. The timing of those two months could not have been placed more perfectly. Throughout this past year, there have been ups and downs in my faith. But I've wanted to keep persevering. Without God in my life [now] I don't think I'd be as close with my family as I am. I wouldn't have the friends I look up to. I wouldn't be going to the church, that I'm starting to really love. I wouldn't have gone to Nashville or even traveled as much as I have. I'm still learning to know how to really trust Him completely. But I know through His timing and His forgiveness, I will love and trust Him with everything I have.
Last weekend, I attended a two day conference that my church hosted. It was the "Heart Conference: Your Character, God's Story". There were so many points that hit me deep. Dr. Coffield started with a prayer saying, "If there are people who are comfortable, would you use this time to disrupt them? If there are people here who are disrupted, would you use this time to comfort them?" I've been so comfortable with being the God of my own life, knowing He is the one who needs to be in control.
Throughout this conference, he talked about the difference in writing your own story versus having God write it with you. He also talked about the importance of community and sharing your story with people. He talked about how in order to move forward to a redemptive story, you have to look back before you'll be able to move forward. I think that's been the hardest part for me and the reason why I haven't been able to trust God. I still haven't grasped the concept of forgiveness because I'm holding onto the things of my past. On the first night, he gave us an assignment where we had to write the high and low points of our life. We then had to rate them from best to worst. This opened up so many emotions and things of my past I didn't realize I was still holding on to.
One of the best parts of the conference was being able to share our story timelines with the people at our table. It was the first time I actually opened up since being at KCP. When it was my turn, I said, "I'll try not to get emotional", but was already crying. The highest point of my life was when Melissa was being born. There are times where I get too busy with my own life and I'm reminded that I have someone who will really look up to me, in the future. She makes me want to be a better person. The lowest point of my life was when I lost my virginity. I knew it was wrong. I basically told God to screw himself and went my own way. Today, I am so thankful for His grace.
After sharing our stories, we were given a minute to respond. My friend said that she thinks that the theme of my life has been full of bad things turned good. My pastor said it makes him feel protected. Another leader said that these are the type of people we need in this church. All of this really resonated with me and I felt so relieved, yet still a little convicted. The last thing we did at the conference was write down what we're going to do to commit to, in order to move our story forward. I listed: Pray, look back, & talk about it. Seek His word and wisdom. Set goals and make a plan.
On Sunday, I went to see Stevie Nicks with Sheryl (my sister). She's a huge Fleewood Mac fan. I was more excited to go with her than to see Stevie. On the way to the arena, we talked a lot. It was the first time we'd really talked in a while. We've never really been close. We're so much more alike than we care to admit. I'm grateful to have her. Overall, it was a great time seeing her in her element. I was just happy to be there for her.
On Wednesday, I left on my trip to Chattanooga to see NEEDTOBREATHE, Mat Kearney, Parachute, & Welshley Arms. It was such a fun weekend with new friends, a great concert, an extra trip to Nashville (on Friday), and a ton of coffee. In Nashville, we were able to see Jackie G again and talk for a while about life and random things. After that, Morgan and I sat down in Dose (the place where I had my emotional breakdown when I left last time). I brought my Bible and we read a few verses. I was a little anxious to even go there because I knew I'd get emotional again. However the emotions I felt were not filled with regret, but I felt so much hope. I wanted to get some sort of confirmation from God to let me know if He's really leading me to Nashville. I want to say yes, because my heart is already there. But I'm not 100% sure yet. That is one reason why I am seeking out His word and wisdom and setting goals.
On the way home from Chattanooga, I had to pull over on the side of the interstate in Cartersville (45 minutes away from Atlanta). Before going on this trip, I got my tires rotated and was told that there was a leak in my axle. Dad said that I should be okay and to get it checked out after I got back. I was just about to pull over from the left lane to stop on the next exit for a pit stop. There was a loud POP and it sounded like I had a flat. I pulled over and my friend got out to tell me the back of my car was smoking. We tossed out everything in case it on caught fire. I called AAA to have a tow truck take my car all the way to Carrollton. Luckily, my aunt lives about 30 minutes away from where we were. She came to pick us up and dad met us in Atlanta. Through all of this, I remained calm. This is the second detour on a road trip where God has said, "I'm going to get you home safely but my way, not yours." It was another realization of, "Holy crap, God really does have this."
In this past year, God has taught me forgiveness and that it's okay to take risks. In this past week, I've realized that family is very important. I've realized that God is in control. It's amazing how a bad thing, such as getting fired, can bring so many positive future impacts to your life. I've changed so much because of God. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I'm right where God needs me to be.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing in your flesh and refreshment from your bones."
Proverbs 3:5-7