I just watched the sermon, “Just Tell Me What to Do” from Judah Smith after being fired from my job. I’ve been stuck in this job for two years. But was I really stuck, or did I use it as an excuse to not find my true calling in life? Did I stay there because it was my source to my addiction of supporting musicians in their own work, financially? Why did I put up with rules I disagreed with, poor management, and crappy pay? I understand that no matter what job I have, there are going to be rules that I have to follow if I want to pay my rent. But the temporary changes they were putting into place, this time around, were changes that I just could not agree with.
Everything they did was experimental and every time a change would happen, they would change it back. It got confusing for the employees. Not to mention, I hated the job. I deeply dreaded coming to work. When people would ask, “What do you do?” I respond honestly and say, “I work in an answering service for funeral homes.” When they would ask what that is, I hated explaining it to people. Sure, I cared about the callers. But my personality is not made to sit behind a desk, talking to sad people. I am generally a happy person. I am very outgoing. I am a people person. I love to look at people and see the light in their eyes when they see my smile. It’s refreshing to see someone’s bad day turned into a great one, all because someone decided to smile and be nice. This job was all about your tone. If you were having a bad day, your callers knew it. I am not a believer in the saying, “fake it till you make it.” I hate faking things. I’m a very open book. If I’m having a bad day, I’ll let you know it. I had to hide my personality behind a fake name with a script and I couldn’t do it anymore.
I’ve had the plan to quit for well over a year. But changes kept happening, so I figured, well they need me. I was about to finish up Mary Poppins, in April, and was going to search for a new job when they offered the night shift position a third time. I took it because it was freedom from management and a set schedule. The raise wasn’t much, but it was a little more than I was getting. I was taking death calls all night while watching Grey’s Anatomy and listening to music. As long as we were taking the calls and completing the nightly tasks, (insert manager’s name here) didn’t care what we did.
I don’t want to get too much into detail as to why I was let go. I own up to what I did, and I won’t apologize for it. That may be dramatic of me, but every operator in that call center feels what I feel but won’t say anything about it. If it takes me writing this and having someone from there to read it and pass it along, then so be it. My honesty might just save someone else’s job. I kept my mouth shut for too long and I am finally letting go. That is why I’m writing this.
My sister dropped me off at work, I walked in, twenty minutes early, and sat in the break room. I was immediately invited into a meeting where I was terminated. I called my sister and she came back to get me. In talking with her, I was so happy. I felt so free. I was just talking to dad, last week, about how I’m going to look for two part time jobs and leave this company. He seemed disappointed and advised me not to. This is an entry level job into what he thinks I should do. This was just a job to put on my resume and I managed to stay in it for two years. What I keep trying to get him to understand is that I do not want an office job. Years ago, I wanted to go into hospital administration. However in growing and finding myself, I have found my passions and I know my personality is not set for that. I want to be involved in the music industry. I want to be around passionate, happy people. I’m not saying there aren’t passionate, happy people in offices, because there most certainly are. I would not be happy in an office.
For the past two months, I have looked at my life and I’ve started to reconnect with my faith. I have heard stories about letting go and moving on from addictions. Losing my job is a new test to my newfound faith. I have trust issues. I don’t know why, but they’re there. A very brief summary of the sermon I watched is: If you say to God, “Just tell me what to do.” He will reply with, “Trust me.” I decided to write this before I really started talking to Him. I’m calling this “Before Trust” and the next one will be “After Trust.” My thoughts in the past two hours have mainly been, maybe getting fired was just the push I needed, It was holding me back from getting to know God all over again. I’ve only been saying I’m going to and haven’t put forth much effort. But this is where my faith is really tested. Am I going to trust Him? Or are the next two years going to be the exact repeat of the last two years? I’m ready to find out.
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