CONVICTED

1/7/16

Is this what conviction is suppose to feel like? Am I supposed to feel like I don’t want to be alone while I figure out what’s wrong with me? What is shame? Why do I feel as if I’m not ashamed of anything? I know there’s something. I’d like to know what it is, please.

I’ve been going through the ‘Recovery Redemption’ series from Pastor Matt Chandler. The last one I watched was ‘Sanctification: The Perfect Storm.’ Now, each sermon I’ve watched so far has hit me in some way. But I had to pause this one to feel the shame and guilt [he continues to talk about in the sermon] of something I have done. I asked God, “Am I supposed to feel this pain? Is this what I’m going to experience as I continue to figure out what’s wrong with me?” The answer is a massive YES.

The part that hit was when Matt read Romans 1:32: “Although they know God’s righteous decree, that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.” I gave up on my faith by removing my sexual purity and encouraged others to do whatever they want as well, KNOWING it was wrong and not caring about it. I deserve death. But I’m not dead because I have a God who loves me unconditionally. He knows my best will never be good enough and still loves me. He forgave me for everything. I am still here because He loves me.