Open Letter to My Niece

Melissa,

This is my first official letter to you. As I'm writing this, you're asleep. For some reason, I tend to have the magic touch for getting you to sleep when you're with me. Do I bore you that much? I don't think so. I think it's because we have fun together. Today I got to witness you take two steps. I freaked out more than I do at concerts. I also laughed while you tried to stuff your entire foot in your mouth. You are quite the goober.

Yesterday I saw a picture of you & Sheryl together & it made me want to see you soooooo bad. I don't see you enough & when I do see you, my smile is bigger than each time. You're always a bit bigger, a little chubbier, kinda weirder, stronger, & more beautiful than the last time. You've made me realize that life matters & being able to breathe is the most precious gift God has given us.

My hopes are for you to love God with your entire heart. "Do not let anyone bring you down because you are young but set an example in the believers in speech, in love, in faith, & in purity." That was a verse I lived by for a short time in my life. What it means to me is: do not accept what people say to you as truth. You will be who you are because God made you that way. You'll go down some crooked paths, but you'll know God is always there when you need Him. Be a positive light for those around you. Be love.

Your dad just called & said he's on the way, so I'm about to have to wake you up. But it's worth seeing you smile again. You made me realize that loving something other than myself is more powerful than anything. You are so wonderful, Melissa Mae. I hope you are able to truly believe in that one day.

Love,

Auntie Lisha

CONVICTED

1/7/16

Is this what conviction is suppose to feel like? Am I supposed to feel like I don’t want to be alone while I figure out what’s wrong with me? What is shame? Why do I feel as if I’m not ashamed of anything? I know there’s something. I’d like to know what it is, please.

I’ve been going through the ‘Recovery Redemption’ series from Pastor Matt Chandler. The last one I watched was ‘Sanctification: The Perfect Storm.’ Now, each sermon I’ve watched so far has hit me in some way. But I had to pause this one to feel the shame and guilt [he continues to talk about in the sermon] of something I have done. I asked God, “Am I supposed to feel this pain? Is this what I’m going to experience as I continue to figure out what’s wrong with me?” The answer is a massive YES.

The part that hit was when Matt read Romans 1:32: “Although they know God’s righteous decree, that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.” I gave up on my faith by removing my sexual purity and encouraged others to do whatever they want as well, KNOWING it was wrong and not caring about it. I deserve death. But I’m not dead because I have a God who loves me unconditionally. He knows my best will never be good enough and still loves me. He forgave me for everything. I am still here because He loves me.